My Path to Islam

Bismillah ir Rahman ir Raheem

Assalamu alaikum wa ramatuAllahi wa barakatuhu

Peace to non-muslim readers,

Growing up, the influence of religion was fairly strong in my life, but it was off and on. In my early years, I lived with my Mom, and while I don’t remember going to church, I do remember being baptized at around the age of six (so I assume I must have attended). When I was eight, my siblings and I went to live with our Father, as our Mom began having health problems. My Father was a Pentecostal minister, and I was made to go to church every Sunday. I was also forced to be baptized a second time, a re-baptism if you will, by my father. I guess the first time of being saved before God didn't take in his mind. But I digress, the Pentecostal service usually consisted of a very loud and energetic sermon, intermingled with singing. During the singing, the parishioners would begin waving their hands in the air, first one, then the second, then their bodies would start to sway, and by the end of the song, quite a few people were often shaking and even collapsing, due to the fact that (in their minds) the "Spirit of God" was moving through them. Also, a few would utter nonstop in "tongues", which to them is a language only God can understand that He sends through them. Even from the young age of 8, I remember thinking this is preposterous. However, despite my reticence at their worship, I never doubted the existence of Allah (God).

When I moved from my Father’s house at the age of 14 I stopped attending church; mainly because their beliefs (especially the Trinity) didn’t make sense and therefore didn‘t mean anything to me. I had always, as far as my memory serves, believed in God (Allah). Simply God; I had never called Him Jesus, as those around me did. I had always believed that Jesus, a.s., was a man alone. Try as they might, I was never convinced of the Trinity as the whole of God in three parts. To this day I have yet to hear an explanation for this that satisfies not only my curiosity, but simple reason.

As a teenager, I watched people pray before they’d eat, and they ended their prayers with, "In Jesus‘ name we pray;" I remember always being quite confused as to why they didn’t simply say in God’s name we pray. However, I never thought to look beyond that. I just assumed that I could pray to God and let them do whatever they want with their worship. I was as I believe many Christians are, simply accepting and not contemplative of the inconsistencies around them, without the drive to study and learn the thing that should be most important in their lives (unfortunately this habit is prevalent in all religions). Despite all of this, I still labeled myself Christian; though now I know that I did not hold the beliefs of one. In Actuality, I didn’t behave as most do either; I didn’t drink, do drugs, have premarital relations, or many of the other immoral acts that those not truly bound to their faith partake in.

The first time I met a Muslim I was eighteen and in college. I met and fell in love with a man from India. I didn’t know until a while after we met one another that he was a Muslim. I realized later this was because he didn’t act as a Muslim should, such as praying five times a day, fasting, etc. My ignorance of Muslims was such that the first thought that came to mind when he told me he was Muslim was of the movie, "Not Without my Daughter." I had Never met a Muslim before, and that is what I believed Muslims to be; the men: overbearing, abusive and sexist; and the women: subjugated, ignorant, forced to cover themselves with black clothes and without rights. I believe this is the view that many Americans had and still have of Muslims.

However, because I loved him dearly, I overlooked the fact that he was a Muslim; seeing as he didn’t act that much different than me. We continued talking and were soon engaged and then married. We had agreed before marriage that we would teach our future children both religions and when they came of age, they could decide which they believed and followed. What a truly ridiculous concept no matter what religion one believes. I mean really, if you're Jewish and a Christian couple (as example), do you really think teaching them both religions will give them a strong basis in EITHER religion? I mean, what they see then is that neither of their parents believe strongly enough in their religion to stand up for it as the right and only way. If you don't believe that your faith is the correct faith, then why are you following it to begin with?

Sorry, went off on another tangent, ironically, it was his lack of practice that led me to the Truth. One day, not but a few months after we were married, we were talking, and he told me that he felt it would be too much work to teach any children that we would have both religions, so I could just raise them as Christians. (This was speculation about future children; alhamdulillah I never had children with him.) Anyway, I hated that idea. Growing up, I had always wondered about my heritage. I knew I am part Native American with a mix of different European nationalities like French, Irish, and some Russian I think, but I didn’t really know about my background. Because of this, I always had a strong desire that my children know and be proud of who they are.

Consequently, I decided that if he didn't want to put forth the effort to teach our children their heritage, then I would learn about Islam so that I would know what to teach them. I read the Qur’an, and I studied a lot about the miracles and science of the Qur’an. The scientific discoveries that have only been discovered in recent times, such as: human reproduction (in detail), the formation of mountains (rooted into the earth), the creation of the universe, the formation of rain, and the miracle of the ant, to name a few.

It didn’t take long to realize that for a surety, the Qur’an is a book from Allah, because even taking the skeptics perspective, no matter if Muhammad, saaws, was well read and educated (which he wasn‘t), these things were not even thought of at the time the Qur’an was revealed. Further, since the Arabic Qur’an today is the same as the Arabic Qur’an over 1400 years ago, it is clear that Muhammad, saaws, is a Messenger of Allah and that Allah, swt, has promised that our book will never be changed.

When it came to accepting change in order to accept Islam in my heart, I faced a few stumbling blocks. Since I always believed in only one God, I had no problems with the oneness of Allah. I faced some uneasiness about giving up the concept of Jesus, a.s., being the son of God and dying for our sins, as that is drilled into a Christian’s head from the time they’re born. But after my husband talked to me (one of his few Islamic actions) and explained to me that Allah has no need for a son, and that Allah forgives sins and does not need a messenger like Isa, a.s, to do it, I completely agreed. It was all a matter of logic by that point, and that is the difficulty most have when learning about Islam. They usually have harsh feelings toward it already, or at least a resistance; so they have to be able to put that aside and think logically about the evidence before them in order to accept the truth. More can be said about this subject, but that's a topic of another blog altogether:).

The final issue that held me back from my Shahada (testimony of faith) was that of hijab. I still viewed it as oppressive to women and unnecessary. Once again, my husband’s lack of practice helped me, as he told me that hijab was not a requirement, and I didn’t have to wear it if I didn’t desire it. It is ironic that from the very beginning of our relationship really, his LACK of practice is what led me to Islam. SubhanAllah, it is true that Allah, swt, leads whom He wills and in His own ways as well.

In October of 1998, I took Shahada before my husband in our home. From then until three years later, I lived in a place where there were no Muslims. I taught myself, through the grace of Allah, about Islam. I learned how to pray and make wudhu from a book. I prayed alone and fasted alone. It took some time for me to become what I would even term a decent Muslim, one who does the fard; not until I abandoned the idea that my husband would lead me. After my conversion, the closer I became to Allah, the farther away he seemed to stray, and after 3 ½ years, our marriage ended in divorce. Almost immediately after the divorce, I put on the hijab (the cloth I always swore I’d never wear). That was over seven years ago, and Alhamdulillah I am still muhajibah; except now, it is something I wrap around myself from deep inside, not just a piece of cloth.